A friend of mine recently posted this article about polygamy on Facebook: My Three Wives As you can see the photo at the top shows the entire family posed together with the male patriarch of the family in the center, like the ruler of a small tribe. They all look like one big, happy family…happy in the way the brainwashed members of a cult might look. I’m sure the members of Jonestown all thought they were happy too, right up until they were told to drink the KoolAid.

The article compares polygamy with gay marriage, claiming that this type of relationship should also be included in marriage equality, that polygamists also have a right to love who they love in the way they so choose. Let me just say that what is being described here is not polygamy, this is polygyny–meaning a man having more than one wife. Polygamy refers to both the male and female in the marriage having additional partners.

The desire to legalize polygyny has nothing to do with equal rights and everything to do with inequality, oppression, and control of women. A large majority of cultures throughout history have practiced polygyny and viewed women as property with no rights. Even today, polygyny is commonly practiced in many countries, predominantly in Muslim cultures of the Middle East and Africa, and in some other parts of the world. In “The Poetics of Military Occupation,” an ethnography written by my cultural anthropology professor, women of the Bedouin and Mzeini tribes of the South Sinai are described as being, “like the goats” (Lavie 1990:119). The chapter goes on to describe the harsh realities faced by women in this Muslim culture, such as having no choice in who they marry, being raped by their husbands, and female genital mutilation. However, Lavie speaks of the Bedouin with a deep level of respect for their culture, and of the bond she developed with her host family, pointing out the complex paradoxes we sometimes face in life, and the balance anthropologists seek of understanding and respecting other cultures, yet not downplaying the importance of human rights issues.

Now I suppose it’s possible that the women in the Darger family may not view themselves as oppressed or unhappy. They may see this as something they freely chose for themselves. We are lucky to live in a society where everyone has the right to freedom of religion and the freedom of choosing how they experience their sexuality and what kind of romantic relationships they have with others. I think it is better to allow some lenience towards practices we may be critical of rather than erring on the side of too much conformity.

I would not propose that the members of this family be arrested for breaking the law, nor would I suggest the children be taken away by social services. However I do think that social services visiting the house and checking up on the kids was the correct action for the city to take. The children should be made aware (the older children at least) that if they feel they are being abused or the environment is not healthy for them, there are people they can contact who will help them. In determining what is best for the children in this situation, I think it is safe to assume that removing them from the only family they have ever known and loved would be more traumatic than any psychological damage done growing up in this environment.

That being said, I have a real problem with talk of polygamy/polygyny being legalized and talk of equal rights for “polygamists”. While I don’t think that those breaking the law by practicing polygamy should be actively arrested and prosecuted, I don’t think it should be legalized.

The main concern I have with legalizing polygyny, is the question of how women would be legally effected if they want to escape this lifestyle, and how allowing men the legal right to more than one wife would effect non-polygynous women’s legal rights. The legalization of polygyny only reinforces concepts of ownership over women. Considering how many men display a sense of pride by having numerous sexual conquests, visit prostitutes behind their wive’s backs, have affairs, or leave their wives for younger women, it seems that by legalizing polygamy, men may claim that getting a newer, younger-model wife is a mid-life rite of passage. If a man chooses to take a second wife and his first wife wants a divorce, what would her legal rights be? Would she be granted the divorce even if her husband didn’t agree? Would she be able to sue for child support and custody? Would a woman be able to prevent visitation rights of the father if he was still engaging in a polygynous relationship and she didn’t want her children to be raised in a mult-wife family? Legalizing polygyny could end up being a dangerous and slippery slope, when it comes to legal issues women may face when going through divorce proceedings and gaining custody rights of children.

Now this may be a far cry from what was occurring in the Warren Jeffs polygamist cult, which was for the most part a large-scale raping of young adolescent girls, but lets not fool ourselves into thinking that this is anything similar to gay rights. As someone posted in the comments below Darger’s article, people are born gay. Polygamy and polygyny are choices, although rather than just being a choice, I think religious oppression, brainwashing, and denial play a part in why women would choose this lifestyle. Darger describes how he has been advocating for acceptance of polygamy and complains about how he was turned down for a job after he was outed as a polygamist. I’m sorry, but I don’t think those practicing (what is more correctly called polygyny) should necessarily  be “accepted” by mainstream society. If an organization or company chooses not to include or hire someone practicing polygyny, I think they should have every right to do so. I believe that equality for women and the ending of patriarchy should trump so-called equality for polygynists, and it is important to remain critical of all forms of oppression towards women.